Oh, excuse me. I'm just practicing writing twits . . . er, tweets. You know -- that's what the kids call those messages they send out on Twitter, that "micro-blogging platform" which only allows messages that are no more than 140 characters.

By the way, if I were tweeting this column, I would have been forced to stop at the word "messages" above.

By the way, if I were tweeting this column, I would have shortened the phrase "by the way" to BTW.

BTW, I have decided to enter the brave new (well, not so new) world of Twitter after reading the inspiring twit . . . er, tweet Mark Shurtleff sent at 11:02 p.m. June 17 via TwitBird iPhone: "I just gave the go ahead to Corrections Director to proceed with Gardner's execution. May God grant him the mercy he denied his victims."

Shurtleff is Utah's attorney general. Moments before prisoner Ronnie Lee Gardner was executed by firing squad for a murder he committed more than 25 years ago, Shurtleff found time to tweet that he had given the command to fire.

OK, as a newspaper entertainment writer and columnist, my tweets may not be as dramatic as that. But, then again, who am I to judge? That's the glorious thing about what I call the Me-verse -- the universe of Twitter and YouTube and reality television: It's all about me!

So, if I post a video of me "eating the world's hottest pepper," why wouldn't that pull better numbers than the final episode of "Seinfeld"? Even if my YouTube boob tube forays aren't a ratings bonanza, I'm on TV! Well, sort of.

If I post my "Kid singing Britney Spears scared to death by his mom," why shouldn't it become as virally popular as "Toy Story 3"?

Even if the guy I'm tweeting about is about to get four bullets through the heart, the world surely wants to know that I -- me! -- just gave the command to send a convicted criminal to hell, or to God's mercy.

More evidence of the thriving Me-verse came to light last week. Remember that 16-year-old girl who was attempting to sail solo around the world? According to various media reports, her father admitted that he talked to producers about a reality show before his daughter embarked on her ill-fated trip.

The father says he abandoned the idea after the reality folks wanted to sensationalize his daughter's venture.

Meanwhile, the Bravo cable network will unveil the latest edition of its Me-verse hit franchise when "The Real Housewives of Washington, D.C." (in photo above) debuts Aug. 5. The new installment joins "Real Housewives" of Orange County, New York City, Atlanta and New Jersey.

Remember the wisdom from the old days, a theorem proved shortly after MTV debuted its groundbreaking Me-verse series "The Real World" way back in 1992: If a reality show uses the word "real" in its title, then it isn't -- real, that is.

What would a reality show about a real housewife look like? Well, as a kid I grew up in such a "reality show," watching my mom get bacon grease out of my Packers jersey, get us three brothers ready for school and cook fantastic meals, among many other duties. Mom, I love you -- but I don't think your real-world adventures would have scored high in Bravo's screen tests.

However, I'm confident the world wants to know that Rick de Yampert is

Wrtng column now : )