Stop right now. Don't read this column.
If you dare to continue reading, please remember that I issued fair warning: You will be wasting your time.
As a, ahem, media professional, I find that the very space occupied by these words is very coveted real estate. And so I (and every other media professional) get e-mails.
Lots of 'em. Every day. Every minute.
I'm not talking about the e-mails that promise to, er, make me a bigger man, or the ones from the desperate Nigerian general who's willing to pay a million bucks for a safe American bank account in which to stash his $20 million booty.
I'm talking about the publicity-seeking e-mails peddling stupid junk, stupid Web sites, stupid "expert" commentators, stupid information.
If you dare to continue reading, please remember that I issued fair warning: You will be wasting your time.
As a, ahem, media professional, I find that the very space occupied by these words is very coveted real estate. And so I (and every other media professional) get e-mails.
Lots of 'em. Every day. Every minute.
I'm not talking about the e-mails that promise to, er, make me a bigger man, or the ones from the desperate Nigerian general who's willing to pay a million bucks for a safe American bank account in which to stash his $20 million booty.
I'm talking about the publicity-seeking e-mails peddling stupid junk, stupid Web sites, stupid "expert" commentators, stupid information.
As a full-service pop culture columnist, it is my sacred duty to sift
through the daily avalanche of cool pop culture stuff (the music,
videos, Web sites, news bites, films, books, essays, etc. that you
actually may want to engage) and the stupid junk that some corporation,
tabloid TV show, wanna-be rock star, reality series, Twitter-head or
blogger is desperately trying to fob off on you (to pad their
pocketbook, of course).
You, dear reader, receive the benefit of the Herculean efforts of me and other media professionals to exorcise the bad. That's as it should be.
But you don't see our secret burden. You don't see the stinking, brain-rotting road kill of the information superhighway that we media types are duty-bound to poke and prod, in case there may be some life, some value to humanity lurking within.
Until now. Here is a taste of actual publicity-seeking e-mails:
"Is a Girl-on-Girl Kiss to Blame for the "Brady Bunch" Blowup? Of all of the things that come to mind when thinking of the Brady Bunch, a lesbian love affair is not one of them -- until now!" (Seems a planned "Brady" reunion on Oprah is in trouble because Marcia says she kissed Jan back in the day -- and boy is Jan is peeved!)
"Top 5 Celebrity Texting Break-ups." (Some celebs dump their partners via the "cold, heartless and cowardly" method of texting.)
"Hey Jacksons! Focus on Parenting, Not PR." (Must I point out the parenting expert behind this e-mail was seeking some publicity?)
"ROCK GEGEN RECHTS -- NAZIS ANGREIFEN." (I don't want to know.)
"Ruben & Britney's B-day Bash this Saturday." (Not that Britney. However, this birthday gig for two staffers at a Los Angeles "rock newspaper" did land a performance by Leon Hendrix, Jimi's brother!)
"National Campaign to Help Bring Summer Vacation Into Homes!" (Never mind that the sucky economy forced you to ditch your vacation plans. A Hollywood studio says "staycations" are cool! Join the adventure of buying a DVD and watching it at home! The e-mail neglects to mention that DVDs can be checked out for free at many libraries.)
"Sneak Peek at blink 182 Toy Bunny Figure to Be Sold on Tour." (The bunny is "3 inches tall and full of fury.")
I admit I'm a bit worried about those Rock Nazis, but I don't read whatever language that was used in the e-mail. I trust a media type more professional than me will investigate.
You, dear reader, receive the benefit of the Herculean efforts of me and other media professionals to exorcise the bad. That's as it should be.
But you don't see our secret burden. You don't see the stinking, brain-rotting road kill of the information superhighway that we media types are duty-bound to poke and prod, in case there may be some life, some value to humanity lurking within.
Until now. Here is a taste of actual publicity-seeking e-mails:
"Is a Girl-on-Girl Kiss to Blame for the "Brady Bunch" Blowup? Of all of the things that come to mind when thinking of the Brady Bunch, a lesbian love affair is not one of them -- until now!" (Seems a planned "Brady" reunion on Oprah is in trouble because Marcia says she kissed Jan back in the day -- and boy is Jan is peeved!)
"Top 5 Celebrity Texting Break-ups." (Some celebs dump their partners via the "cold, heartless and cowardly" method of texting.)
"Hey Jacksons! Focus on Parenting, Not PR." (Must I point out the parenting expert behind this e-mail was seeking some publicity?)
"ROCK GEGEN RECHTS -- NAZIS ANGREIFEN." (I don't want to know.)
"Ruben & Britney's B-day Bash this Saturday." (Not that Britney. However, this birthday gig for two staffers at a Los Angeles "rock newspaper" did land a performance by Leon Hendrix, Jimi's brother!)
"National Campaign to Help Bring Summer Vacation Into Homes!" (Never mind that the sucky economy forced you to ditch your vacation plans. A Hollywood studio says "staycations" are cool! Join the adventure of buying a DVD and watching it at home! The e-mail neglects to mention that DVDs can be checked out for free at many libraries.)
"Sneak Peek at blink 182 Toy Bunny Figure to Be Sold on Tour." (The bunny is "3 inches tall and full of fury.")
I admit I'm a bit worried about those Rock Nazis, but I don't read whatever language that was used in the e-mail. I trust a media type more professional than me will investigate.
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