What will Haitian-born, American-raised musician Wyclef Jean do if he's elected president of his native land?
Last week Clef announced he officially is running for president of Haiti. The election is set for Nov. 28.
In the meantime Haitian voters can check out Clef's likely platform by listening to his 2004 song "President" (from his album "Welcome to Haiti Creole 101"): "If I was president, instead of spending billions on the war, I can use that money to feed the poor. I know some so poor, when it rains that's when they shower. When screaming 'Fight the power' that's when the vulture devoured.
"If I was president, I'd get elected on Friday, assassinated on Saturday and buried on Sunday."
So take that, all you talking heads who are pummeling Jean for being out of touch with political realities.
According to various news sources, Clef has never held political office. His main qualification appears to be that he's .¤.¤. well, he's Wyclef -- he's famous, he's written some catchy tunes and he has mega name recognition.
And name recognition, as anyone who follows politics knows, is something that political pollsters measure and candidates treasure. You can't vote for a guy you've never heard about. (Well, there is that case of that Alvin Greene guy who this summer won South Carolina's Democratic Senate primary.)
Would it be such a bad thing if elections and political appointments turned on celebrity-hood? I think not. Here's my nominations for celebrity politicos:
Oprah for President of the United States of America. An obvious choice, I know. But President O would get things done. Right now I can name 67 women in my circle of friends who would stock up on Righteous Rollo Dog Biscuits tomorrow if the Big O mentioned them on her TV show.
Imagine what President O could accomplish if, say, she decreed, "Ladies, pack your heat in your purse and take to the streets -- tonight we clean up the criminal scuz-buckets who are sullying America's cities!"
Sean Penn for head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency. Yeah, perhaps Penn shows up at every environmental catastrophe because he knows it'll make for irresistible copy in the papers: "Spicoli sails into Katrina-flooded New Orleans." But, say what you will, the actor does walk the walk -- he's there.
(By the way Penn, who has spent considerable time in Haiti since the Jan. 12 earthquake, said he was "very suspicious" of Clef's motives for running for president, then added this bon mot: "For those of us in Haiti, he has been a nonpresence.")
Ted Nugent for ambassador to Iran and-or Afghanistan. Yes, the Nuge's politics make conservative talk show host Glenn Beck seem like he's the lost love child of Ted Kennedy and the late Texas Gov. Ann Richards.
But if Nugent could keep his bow hunting instincts in check and not start World War III by popping Iranian Prez Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, he'd make the fundamentalist Iranian mullahs quake in their boots and be too afraid to pursue any nuclear arms capability.
Morgan Freeman for Vice President. His No. 1 qualification -- the guy portrayed God! And in that "Bucket List" movie (spoiler alert!), he narrated the action from beyond the grave. Omniscience, invincibility and immortality -- handy qualities to have (or appear to have) whenever America has to deal with aggressive foreign states.
Sean "P. Diddy" Combs for U.S Ambassador to the United Nations. For no other reason than it would be cool to hear dignitaries from around the world greeting "Ambassador P. Diddy!"
Rick de Yampert is The Daytona Beach News-Journal's entertainment writer. He can be reached at rick.deyampert@news-jrnl.com


